Metaphysical Haiku

On the first weekend in April 1995 I attended a 3-day haiku workshop at Chichibu in the mountains north of Tokyo.
The workshop was run by Kaneko Tohta, the leader of the "Kaitei" Haiku group and president of the Modern Haiku Association.
Tohta is known for his abstract haiku and having experimented with abstract haiku myself, I decided to submit some of them at several of the sessions.
 
 
 
 

空澄めり梢にとまる金魚あり -Dhugal
sora sumeri kozue-ni tomaru kingyo ari
 

crisp and clear blue sky
alighting on a tree branch
a goldfish!!

-Dhugal

 
 

影の手に蟻を掴みて失ひて -Dhugal
kage-no te-ni ari-o tsukamite ushinaite
 

shadow's hand
grasping the ant
then losing it

-Dhugal

Both of these haiku were picked out by several poets as one of the best of the session. At any other haiku-kai the goldfish haiku would probably not be understood and the ant haiku would meet with resistance. After the 2nd ku-kai, I asked Tohta what he thought of another of my previous haiku which I wrote almost 2 years ago but was told was treading on the outer edge of that which is haiku.
 
 

冬もずに呼ばれこの世の掌を掴む　- Dhugal
fuyumozu-ni yobare kono-yo-no te-o tsukamu
 

-Dhugal

He had no resistance at all to this haiku.

 As a result I have decided to pursue this line of experimentation in metaphysical haiku at the same time as grounding myself firmly in the more traditional form. I am still convinced of the power of the seasonal word (kigo) and believe that some form should be followed. In Japanese, 17 syllables to be the ideal (or at least between 12 and 23). In English, I am not sure yet. If the 5,7,5 form is not too alien it should be aimed for but anything longer should be discouraged. Even with 17 English syllables, many haiku enthusiasts tend to try and cram too many "heavy" words into the form. The use of correct grammar (ie. a, the, to etc.) should be encouraged both for clarity (to ease accessibility) and to try and curb the potentially dangerous tendency to cram. Haiku of the form 3,4,3 when clipped of clarifying yet redundant words contain roughly the right amount of information. 2,3,2 is probably the lower limit.

 Some of the more traditional haiku I submitted that met with favourable responses:
 
 
 
 

竹握り骨に滴る寒さかな -Dhugal
take nigiri hone-ni shitataru samusa kana
 

grasping the bamboo
dripping down into my bones
the cold!!

-Dhugal

 
 

しで辛夷ぎゅっと牛乳流し込む -Dhugal
shidekobushi gyutto gyuunyuu nagashikomu
 

clustered magnolia
pouring milk, gushing it
into my throat

-Dhugal

花三椏あばよと帰国されにけり -Dhugal
hana-mitsumata abayo-to kikoku sare-ni keri
 

trident daphne
"catch you round" he says as he
heads back to his home country

-Dhugal